The Way You Speak to Yourself—Is It Even Your Voice?
As a therapist, one of the most powerful patterns I notice in my clients is also one of the most silent and often the most painful. It’s the way we speak to ourselves. If you’re reading this, maybe you’ve noticed it too: the constant self-criticism, the quiet but relentless voice that whispers (or shouts), You’re not doing enough. You’re not good enough. Who do you think you are?
But have you ever stopped to ask yourself: Whose voice is that, really?
So often, the way we speak to ourselves isn’t even our own. It’s the voice of a parent who expected perfection. A partner who made us doubt ourselves. A boss who always found something wrong. Sometimes it’s subtle—a tone, a memory, a repeated phrase—but it sticks. And slowly, it becomes automatic.
Then there’s another layer: social media.
Without even realizing it, we’re comparing our messy, real lives to other people’s carefully curated highlight reels. We scroll through smiling families, clean homes, thriving businesses, and perfect skin all while trying to make sense of our own chaos. The comparison isn’t fair, but our brains don’t know the difference. The pressure builds, quietly and constantly.
Why don’t I look like that? Why isn’t my relationship like that? Why can’t I just get it together?
No wonder our inner voice turns harsh. No wonder we feel lost, unworthy, or exhausted. We’re holding ourselves up against projections many of which aren’t even real.
Life Is Full. Our Minds Are Fuller.
We’re juggling a lot: responsibilities, relationships, goals, expectations. And in the middle of all that your real authentic self, which is often buried so deep, we can’t even find it anymore leaving us wondering “Who even am I anymore?”
That question is more common than you think.
In a world that rewards hustle, appearance, and performance, it’s easy to lose sight of your own inner compass. We take in so many messages about who we should be that we forget to ask, who am I really? What do I want? What do I believe?
Counseling Isn’t About Fixing You. It’s About Finding You.
You don’t have to do this alone.
One of the biggest lies we carry is that we should be able to figure it all out on our own and when we can’t, we blame ourselves. We speak to ourselves with criticism instead of compassion, and then wonder why we feel disconnected, anxious, or stuck.
But what if, instead of pushing harder, you gave yourself space to pause?
What if therapy became a place to slow down, be heard, and gently begin sorting out what’s yours… and what never was?
You Deserve Relief. You Deserve Clarity. You Deserve to Be You.
Whether you’re navigating life changes, burnout, anxiety, identity confusion, or just the quiet sense that something is off, I invite you to reach out to me at ranamarie@soundmindtherapy.com to help you find your voice again.
