Climbing Out of the Mess

Climbing Out of the Mess by Susie Berg

Iyanla Vanzant’s “In the Meantime” is one of those books that hits you where you live literally. She uses the metaphor of a “House of Love” to describe the stages of emotional and spiritual growth, and the picture is so vivid you can see yourself wandering from room to room. Some days you’re in the basement, some days you make it to the attic, and most of the time you’re climbing back and forth trying to figure out where you belong.

Let’s start in the basement. This is the pit, the place of confusion, misery, and survival mode. Down here it feels dark, heavy, and endless. You’re stuck blaming yourself, blaming others, replaying guilt and shame like old tapes. It’s exhausting. The only way out of the basement is willingness. Willingness to admit you’re down there. Willingness to say, “Okay, something has to change.”

When you’re ready, you climb to the first floor. The light’s better up here, but it’s still not pretty. The house is a mess and there’s this strange smell you can’t quite locate. That’s the funk of old patterns and habits. This is the floor of discovery where you start realizing, “Wait, maybe I’ve been doing the same thing over and over without asking why.” The only way to move on is truth and responsibility. No more finger-pointing, no more denial.

The second floor is where the scrubbing begins. You’re disinfecting, tossing out junk, finally deciding that you are not broken, and that your patterns don’t define your worth. Here the spiritual cleansers are surrender and forgiveness. You let go of old ways of reacting, and you forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. This is also where self-love kicks in you begin to see yourself as whole, not flawed.

On the third floor, you’re living more consciously. You trust yourself, take responsibility without shame, and move with integrity. Life feels lighter here, but it’s still not the top. The attic is the ultimate destination, peace, strength, abundance, health, unconditional love. Few of us live in the attic full-time, but it’s the vision, the reminder of what’s possible when we’re aligned with who we really are.

One of the hardest lessons Vanzant offers is about emotional honesty. Denial, she says, is when you can’t accept the truth of your feelings. Feelings themselves are neutral, it’s the meaning we attach to them, and the way we express them, that creates chaos. For example, anger isn’t the problem. The problem is throwing it at someone like a weapon. Emotional honesty is saying, “I feel angry,” and choosing a healthy expression instead of reacting.

And here’s the kicker, relationships? They’re mirrors. Every time we want to focus on what someone else is doing, the real work is to ask, “What is this showing me about myself?” There’s no timeline, no judgment, no spiritual stopwatch. Growth isn’t a race. It’s about paying attention to which floor you’re on and using the right spiritual cleanser to keep climbing.

So, the next time you catch yourself slipping back into shame, denial, or blame, just ask: what floor am I on right now? And what do I need willingness, truth, forgiveness, trust, or love to move up a level? That’s the real work of living in the meantime.

If you are interested in seeking more personal development, please visit our website at https://www.soundmindtherapy.com/ or reach out for more information at 314-499-9144 or susie@soundmindtherapy.com