Sound Mind Therapy

The recent celebrity deaths by suicide have spurred widespread discussion about the topic. As a mental health professional and a therapist for the last 17 years, the challenging topic of suicide has come to my attention more times than I can count.

I recently took a poll among my Facebook connections asking the question, “If you knew someone was hurting, would you ask if they were suicidal or had any intentions of hurting themselves?” The results: out of 83 people who responded, 69 people said yes, they would ask about suicidal ideation or intentions. Interestingly, here are some of the comments:

• “I would want to … but it would be difficult to ask because it would be scary to hear.”
• “Cannot give a yes or no. I have asked someone this question before, but would I do it again? Depends on the situation.”
• “As someone who lost a close friend to suicide, I wish I would have asked point blank.”

The Stigma of Suicide

While my poll was small, it validated some of my beliefs. First and foremost, we need to talk about this! Why? Because suicide can happen to anyone. It doesn’t only happen to those that have mental illness. Life happens to all of us and circumstances can turn to dark very quickly. The divorce. The bankruptcy. The sick baby. The breakup. Getting fired from a job. Relationship turmoil. The death of a loved one. The list is endless and if we don’t have the tools to get through the tough times, we can become desperate and feel suicide is the only answer.

We all get so worried about just asking people what is going on, what’s the truth, why are they hurting, etc., that we struggle to find a way to just be real and be honest. We sugarcoat, avoid, deflect and mask our pain because we’re afraid. Afraid to be judged. Afraid not to belong.

The point is we need to be open with each other and we need to get real to be able to really get to the root of what is happening. I’ve read over and over in articles and blogs about the stigma and discomfort of even just speaking the word suicide! But this is where we all have an opportunity to challenge the stigma and make a difference.

Challenging the Stigma

So what can we do? Here are some ideas.

Show Up and Be Present

• We need to slow things down. Put the phone away. Look at people – really look into their eyes, because we can’t be a witness to someone’s pain without really looking and being with them.
• Be vulnerable: We need to set aside some of our fears so that we can be open to other’s heartaches, that is where the opportunity lies for us to be a beam of hope for them.
• Ask questions- Yes hard questions! Do you feel hopeless? Do you think about hurting yourself? Do you have a plan to hurt yourself? How can I help?

Get Knowledgeable

Here is a list of myths and facts from University of Notre Dame and Statistics from Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (SAVE).

1. People who talk about suicide don’t do it — suicide happens without warning.

Myth: Although suicide can be an impulsive act, it is often thought out and communicated to others, but people ignore the clues.

2. Talking about suicide may give someone the idea.

Myth: Raising the question of suicide without shock or disapproval shows that you are taking the person seriously and responding to their pain.

3. There are more suicides than homicides.

Fact: Suicide is the 8th leading cause of death among adults in the United States. There are twice as many suicides as homicides.

4. Suicide rates are higher for people of low income.

Myth: Suicide shows little prejudice to economic status. It is representative proportionally among all levels of society.

5. More men commit suicide than women.

Fact: Although women attempt suicide twice as often as men, men commit suicide twice as often as women.

6. Most suicidal people are undecided about living or dying, and they gamble with death, leaving it to others to save them.

Fact: Suicidal people are often undecided about living or dying right up to the last minute; many gamble that others will save them.

7. Once a person is suicidal, he or she is suicidal forever.

Myth: People who want to kill themselves will not always feel suicidal or constantly be at a high risk for suicide. They feel that way until the crisis period passes.

8. If a person really wants to kill him or herself, no one has the right to stop him or her.

Myth: No suicide has only one victim; family members, friends, and loved ones all suffer from the loss of a life. You would try to save someone if you saw them drowning. Why is suicide any different?

9. Most suicides are caused by a single dramatic and traumatic event.

Myth: Precipitating factors may trigger a suicidal decision; but, more typically, the person has suffered long periods of unhappiness and depression, lack of self-respect, has lost the ability to cope with their life, and has no hope for the future.

10. There is no genetic predisposition to suicide.

Fact: There is no genetic predisposition to suicide – it does not “run in the family.”

11. Improvement following a serious personal crisis or serious depression means that the risk of suicide is over.

Myth: The risk of suicide may be the greatest as the depression lifts. The suicidal person may have new energy to carry out their suicide plan.

12. It’s unhelpful to talk about suicide to a person who is depressed.

Myth: Suicidal individuals often exhibit physical symptoms as part of their depression and might seek medical treatment for their physical ailments. Often, suicidal individuals seek counseling, but are frustrated when they do not see immediate results.

13. People who commit suicide have not sought medical help prior to their attempt.

Myth: Depressed persons need emotional support and empathy; encouraging them to talk about their suicidal feelings can be therapeutic as a first step.

Seek Help When Life’s Challenges Become Too Great

Professional individual counseling can not only help you through times of crisis, but can also be a form of personal development with strategies to promote a life of balance and well-being.

Our Expert Therapists Can Help

The licensed therapists of Sound Mind Therapy believe counseling is a form of education which supports and empowers you to see life’s challenges from a different perspective. If you or a loved one need individual counseling services to cope with suicidal feelings, please call our office at (314) 499-9144 . We accept same-day appointments and offer extended hours upon request. From our office in Creve Coeur, we serve residents of St. Charles, Town and Country, Clayton and other St. Louis suburbs.